It’s time to dick the holes and hang the mistletoe from your belly button ring. With the Christmas season in full gear and Santa getting ready to unload his sack, who is to say that only kids are allowed to have all the fun this time of year?
If you’ve ever told an XXX-mas joke or have Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson’s Christmas album playing first thing in the morning as you open your presents, then this is the adult show for you. From the creative minds of Alex Woodward and Dan Venz comes A Very Naughty Christmas. For seven consecutive years, Australia’s favourite adults only Christmas music comedy has been performing to sold out crowds across Brisbane. Christmas has come early this year (but don’t worry, Santa won’t) as the show makes its way to Melbourne to perform at the Alex Theatre.
My personal favourite Christmas special has got to be the South Park episode ‘Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics’. I think the combination of offensive humour and wholesome festive songs just clicks with my sense of humour. So, with A Very Naughty Christmas, I was excited to see what Woodward Productions would be able to ‘pull off’ (these puns keep writing themselves, I swear).
There isn’t really a proper story to this show nor does there really need to be. The night is a true variety of Christmas themed skits, parodies of classic carols, modern pop songs and sexy burlesque. Not for the faint of heart and all a VERY adults only experience, the show is surprising and shocking with every segment. Its performers are always trying to one up each other and the collection of the different styled segments works brilliantly.
Lighting design by Declan O’Neill works exceptionally well paired with the two story set designed by Josh McIntosh. The musicians are up top while the cast are coming and going and coming again from several exits across the stage, the candy cane fireman’s pole the performers slide down being a particularly nice touch.
Living up to its raunchy premise, the show’s performers each get a chance to shine. Leading the charge is Tim Page as jolly old Saint Nick. The showman makes his grand entrance walking down the aisle throwing condoms to the naughty boys and girls in the audience. He then introduces the rest of Santa‘s helpers and breaks into a rendition of ‘Back-door Santa’.
Some performers are new to the show and some are coming straight from their successful run in Brisbane. Joe Kalou performs an early striptease to ‘Walking Around in Women’s Underwear’ and Madeline Pratt later gives us a revealing fan dance. Rebecca Rolle puts a twist on The Divinyls hit with ‘I Touch My ELF’, while Jordan Twigg’s powerful voice lends itself to an increasingly more vulgar ‘Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls’.
Kate Yaxley, Joshua Spinello and Shay Debney (often the foil of the show) each get their moments as well, baring all their talents in the show’s hilarious comedy skits and the ensemble musical sequences, with incredible choreography by creator Daniel Venz. Just when you think you’ve seen it all, A Very Naughty Christmas pulls out an unexpected tap dancing number to blow you away.
The musicians accompanying the show, while comparatively keeping their clothes on, still deserve as much credit as the cast. Fingering away is pianist Martine Wengrow, Facu Alvarez bangs the drums (like he bangs your mum… allegedly) and Sam Ainslie handles several tools on guitar and bass.
Throughout the night I attended, the cast often made their way into the audience to rile us up and keep us pumped. There is quite a bit of audience participation also with a retelling of the story of the first Christmas involving several people being called upon to fill an opening. Mary, Joseph, Jesus… .even the Donkey. I was pulled up to the stage and was tasked with playing one of the Three Wise Men which I’m only now realising is the second time in my life I’ve played that role on stage. Always a wise man, never the messiah.
A Very Naughty Christmas is a laugh-a-minute outrageous night filled with song, dance and above all, tons of dirty jokes. Do yourself a favour, get on Santa’s naughty list and check it out for yourselves. Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!
A Very Naughty Christmas is currently playing at The Alex Theatre in Melbourne until December 23rd 2023.
For more information and ticketing, visit:
Photography by James Terry.