Slender Man – Film Review

Now I’m going to get straight to the point and say that this movie is an absolute waste of time, and I will not allow my fellow horror fans to sit through a 93 minute slap in the face experience. It really is a shame to see that this is what’s being dished out to horror fans, a half done horror movie failing miserably to live up what a good horror movie should provide.

Slender Man follows the story of Hallie played by Julia Goldani Telles and her 3 friends Chloe (Jaz Sinclair), Katie (Annalise Basso) and Wren (Joey King) who successfully summon the Slender Man (a pied piper like supernatural being that reaps the lives of those who call him forth) by watching an unusual online video with ritualistic images. Sound like The Ring much? A week passes by and things seem normal, however when the Slender Man claims his first victim, the fight for survival begins. Sanity is turned into insanity, isolation is achieved, no hope echoes through the ears, death is the only form of solace.

Okay so it sounds interesting but believe me when I say, “Slender Man is a very bland horror film!” It wasn’t hard to guess how this movie was going to end after the first disappearance, and I seriously think you would easily guess it too. For me, what makes a good horror movie is to always being proven wrong and surprised. However, if I can already guess the course of the movie and how it’s going to end, and it plays out the way that I thought, then that’s already a fail for me.

I felt the film gave no sense of fear. I mean a couple of jump scares was what the movie relied heavily upon, but once the creature was out in the open I felt there was nothing to fear from him. I mean its just a faceless dude in a really really nice suit. (Money is on Hugo Boss for sure, could be wrong?) I will definitely give him points for being the most presentable creature in the horror movie industry, I mean reaping lives in a suit – that’s class, but not scary.

The over powered CGI graphics took a lot out of the movie making it unrealistic. It made Slenderman and the environment look more like a claymation animation from Play School or Sesame Street. Even the life reaping scenes were dialled back, there was no blood, no gut, nothing to really make you feel like Slenderman was something to be feared. I honestly felt Slenderman was just some really tall bald dude that was kidnapping people. I even found myself laughing throughout the film. Golden rule for horror movies, if you’re laughing at death scenes then it’s a not a great horror film. I think the only thing that I was more scared about was losing my hearing from the extremely ‘over-volumed’ cinema speakers.

In a very strong sense I felt that I had watched a really soft version of The Ring which is disappointing as I felt that there was no originality to Slender Man‘s the story. It was like the writers were thinking lets just grab The Ring‘s existing plot, chuck a new creature in it and there we’ll have a brand new movie. Surely Hollywood can think of new ideas rather than recycle previous works? I know we’ll live for the day.

On a positive note the actors definitely delivered their roles perfectly, so perfectly that I was frustrated by the film and wanted the character, Slender Man to take all of them away so the movie would just end. And yes, I was overjoyed when the end credits started rolling. Honestly, I see these films so you don’t have to. Trust me, I’m saving your life when I say, “don’t bother”!

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